A lecture by Washu on OVA III
by MoonstoneCabbit
Summary: Yes, Washu will give a lecture and answer  questions about OVA III, just like the title says.
1. Chapter 1

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A Lecture by Washu on OVA III

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Standard disclaimer: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS! (I wish I did though)

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The dimly lit auditorium was packed with eager fans of "Tenchi Muyo" wanting to learn more about their favorite anime. The suspense continued to build as the minutes passed until the lights went out completely. More anxious minutes passed when suddenly there was an explosion of fireworks and confetti followed by blaring trumpets which made many in the audience scream with fright.. The lights came back on and there on the stage stood Washu Hakubi, in her professor's garb, smiling cheekily at the audience.

"Welcome," she began. "I'm pleased that such a large group of people has come to hear a lecture by me, THE GREATEST SCIENTIFIC GENIUS IN THE UNIVERSE (not to mention the cutest). Now let's get started. It has come to my attention, that many of you are confused about some of the events that occurred in the newest episodes of 'Tenchi Muyo.' I am here tonight to clarify certain points and answer some of the many questions you have. Many of you were disappointed that there wasn't much fighting shown, especially between Tenchi and Z. So, let's take a look at what my instruments were able to record, shall we?"

Washu's holographic computer materialized before her and she began typing. A huge screen appeared above Washu showing Ryoko and Galaxy Police, special ops agent, Sonunaru, facing off against each other. "You know," Washu started, "I feel rather insulted that this bozo actually thought he could beat my greatest creation with such shabby robots." The scene began to move and without so much as a flicker of movement on her part, Ryoko caused two of the cyber marionettes to explode, and the image froze. "As you saw," she went on, "It took almost no effort for my Little Ryoko to destroy those gizmos. I'll give Sonunaru credit for one thing though. It took guts for him to continue. Most guys would have fled after that. Now, let's see the rest, alright?"

The action continued and Sonunaru told Ryoko that a wedding had been planned for Tenchi and Mihoshi. Ryoko flew towards him in a rage, and a new , larger cyber marionette appeared and slashed her face. The screen froze again and Washu sighed heavily. "I gave Ryoko a good brain," she said shaking her head, "But sometimes she just doesn't use it. If she had used the abilities I had given her to detect threats, she wouldn't have been hurt at all. Now I'll jump ahead to the point just before Ryoko destroyed these new robots and slow down the action so you can see what happened. I'm glad that I was using cameras capable of recording 8050 frames a second," Washu said gleefully.

The action restarted, showing Ryoko's wrist with it's gem glowing. Then she was flying fists first through ten cyber marionettes and grabbing Sonunaru by the neck before he had a chance to react to the first explosion. When he found himself face to face with an extremely angry, former space pirate, he did the only intelligent thing he could. He fainted.

"As you could see," Washu continued, "Despite his Galaxy Police enhancements, Sonunaru just couldn't follow Ryoko's movements. If the action had been shown in the anime slowed down as it was just now, you wouldn't have understood how incredibly fast my daughter was moving."

"Now let's move on to Aeka's little tea party with Fujimasa," Washu said as the screen changed to show Aeka and Ryo-oki walking up the shrine steps. Suddenly Aeka detected an energy distortion and a blast directed at them, grabbed Ryo-oki, and jumped back to avoid it. An arrogant Fujumasa began to boast about how easy it would be for him to defeat Aeka when Washu froze the action again..

Washu shook her head sadly and began to speak. "You'd think that guy would have known better than to try to take on a member of Jurai's royal family with such cheap toys." The action continued and Aeka sent an energy pulse at Fujumasa's bioborgs which scrambled their logic circuits while simultaneously trapping her shocked assailant in a forcefield. Then Ryo-oki changed to her quadruped form and began playing with the terrified bioborgs. "You'd think," Washu continued, "that Seniwan and GP intellgence would have been able to provide their operatives with specific information regarding the abilities of their targets. Or, maybe, Airi thought it would be a good joke if they found out the hard way."

"Now we'll take a look at what happened when Baguma tried to take me on." The image changed yet again, showing Baguma with a strained look on his face. Then Washu grabbed a large, toy mallet from a subspace pocket, hit him on the head, and he collapsed unconscious. "That guy may have been an S-class esper," Washu continued, "But he was no match for me! She then began to laugh madly.

After she calmed down, Washu continued, "I don't think we need to go over Sasami's encounter with Mashisu..." This last statement was met with loud cries of protest from many in the audience. "Okay,"Washu responded, "I'll show the fight, and afterwards I'll provide you drooling Sasami fanboys and fangirls with the names of some reputable psychiatrists. You need professional help." The screen changed to show Sasami's confrontation with Mashisu. "You saw how easily Sasami defeated Mashisu. Actually she could have beaten her without the weapon, but Sasami's a nice kid who didn't want to totally humiliate her opponent."

"Now, let's move on to the fight between Tenchi and Z," Washu said as the screen changed yet again to show Tenchi in Earth orbit, looking down upon the devastated planet. "You know, even I was surprised when Tenchi wound up in Earth orbit when he dodged Z's first attack and then wound up traveling all the way to Saturn in under 5 seconds. He's really something, isn't he?" Washu said with a huge grin on her face. "Frankly they both moved so fast that even my cameras couldn't keep up. I got little more than flashes, streaks of light and massive explosions. That's why so little of the fight was shown in the anime."

"I spent many sleepless nights trying to discover how it was that Tenchi could generate lighthawk wings without being bonded to a royal tree and perform material conversion. No aspect of Tenchi's life was too insignificant to be overlooked." The screen showed images of Tenchi engaged in various activities: practicing with his grandfather, sweeping, helping Sasami in the kitchen, working in the fields, bathing, getting dressed (which was met with exclamations of appreciation from the audience).

Suddenly an angry voice from offstage shouted, "WASHU!" and Tenchi stormed onto the stage. He glowered at Washu and said, "I've told you time after time to stop taking pictures of me without my permission. Stop spying on me!"

"I wouldn't have to spy on you if you would agree to come to my lab and pose for me," Washu responded. As Tenchi's glare intensified, Washu smiled seductively and said, "You know, you look real sexy when your nostrils flare in anger like that. It really turns me on."

"I don't want to go to your lab and participate in any more of your 'tests' because the last time I did, you freaked me out by wearing that skimpy leather and chains outfit and threatening me with a whip while laughing like a maniac." was Tenchi's response. "You're always wearing harem outfits, short school girl outfits, nurse outfits and other skimpy outfits and trying to get 'samples' from me. Why?"

"Research!" was Washu's answer. "How you respond to various stimuli is a very important part of your psychological profile. But if being in my lab makes you nervous, after I'm through here, we can go someplace else private and I'll show you what I look like without the skimpy outfits," Washu said in her adult form. "How about it? It's for science!"

Tenchi took a deep breath, held it for a few moments and slowly exhaled. Then Washu's computer and the large screen erupted with sparks and disappeared. "I'm going to your lab now, he said softly, "and I'm going to destroy every picture you've taken of me without my permission that I can find." Then he teleported away.

"Well," said Washu, back in her child form as she tried to suppress a giggle, "it's a good thing I have copies of everything stored in the hyper-dimension. Tenchi can't get there yet. I really don't understand why he's so embarrassed. He's got a great body thanks to all the hard work he does and practicing martial arts with his grandfather. He's all lean, hard muscle and no fat!"

"It will take a little time for my computer to be restored," Washu continued, "so, let's move on to the question and answer part. Anyone who has a question should raise his hand and when I call on you, stand up and speak."

Dozens of people raised their hands and Washu chose a young man with light brown hair and glasses. He stood up and asked, "Is Tenchi the being you and your sisters have been searching for?"

"Well," Washu answered, "He can produce light hawk wings without being bonded to a royal tree. He can perform material conversion. He dissipated a black hole and caused the gravity constant to change. He can move many times faster than the speed of light. He recovered from a direct hit with the power of a light hawk wing. His astral form traveled through time and space. He caused quakes in other dimensions. He used SIX light hawk wings when he stopped the Chobi Maru from blowing up the earth. He even caused the hyper-dimension to shudder. He did all that in less than a year. WHAT DO YOU THINK?" Washu shouted. "Next question."

A skinny boy with short brown hair stood and said, "I was really disappointed that there wasn't a real battle between Tenchi and Z. Why weren't they shown duking it out?"

"Really," Washu replied, "If someone with a huge cannon was trying to kill you, would you run up and try to punch him? NO! Unless you were really stupid or had a death wish, you'd either duck for cover or, if you had your own cannon, try to shoot back. Next question!"

A slender young woman with long, dark brown hair was called on. She stood up and asked, "If the power of Ryoko's gems is hyper-dimensional in nature, how is it that Yosho was able to defeat her when she had all three of them?"

"There were a number of factors involved," responded Washu. "First, Yosho was able to draw power from a first generation royal tree, which also has hyper-dimensional power from Tsunami, to enhance his speed and other abilities. Second, he's a very skilled swordsman. In fact he was Jurai's champion in both armed and unarmed fighting. Third, he's a very smart fighter. Fourth, Ryoko had never been up against an opponent who could come close to matching her before and had never developed any defensive techniques. Fifth, Ryoko isn't yet able to utilize the full power of the gems. But, since she's been playing with Aeka, she's gotten a lot better at defense and strategy. If she had all three of her gems now, I think she would stand a good chance of winning. Anyone want to make a small wager on the outcome? I could use some help with a number of my experiments." Oddly enough nobody wanted to take the bet.

"Well," Washu continued, "since there are no takers, I'll answer another question. You in the green shirt that clashes with your hair, what's your question?"

The embarrassed, young man stood and asked, "How was it that Airi was able to slap Ryoko silly? According to my sources, she isn't bonded to a royal tree and shouldn't be anywhere near powerful enough to beat Ryoko."

"That's an excellent question!" Washu responded with a smile. "Although Airi doesn't have her own tree, she does have the same enhancements that members of the royal family have, plus Yosho gave her a ring that allows her to draw power from his tree. She's also a master of The Galaxy Academy's martial arts debating. One of it's most formidable techniques is intimidation, and since my computer has come back on, I'll demonstrate how effective it is."

Washu's computer reappeared and after she typed a few commands, the screen reappeared showing a huge image of Airi's glowering face. Instantly, there was panic. There were screams of fright, many soiled themselves, some cried and others fainted. A stampede for the exits was prevented when Washu nullified the gravity in the auditorium. The screen disappeared and after several minutes and with the aid of liberal doses of a tranquilizing aerosol, the jumble of flailing limbs slowly calmed down. Once order was restored, Washu turned the gravity back on gradually and the whimpering crowd returned to their seats.

"As you observed," Washu said happily, "the technique is quite effective. It would have been even more intimidating if Airi were here in person. Of course, I've had a lot more practice. Does anyone want to see how intimidating I can be?" Washu asked eagerly.

After several tense moments a single voice squeaked out, "N-n-no."

"Well then," Washu replied, "I think this would be a good time to have a brief intermission. Some of you need to get cleaned up! I have twenty washing machines set up in the lobby which will clean your clothes and you in them. We'll resume in exactly forty minutes."

Author's note: I wanted Washu to be wacky without making her too crazy. She's NOT crazy, just very eccentric. It's easy to go overboard with her when you consider images like these:

www.washuDOTorg/pics/ova/tenchiova-7-0643.jpg and

www.washuDOTorg/pics/sho/tm09.jpg

Of course, I don't have any official statistics for exactly how strong and fast the TM characters are, so I did a lot of guessing based on what I learned watching TM and TMGXP, especially the episode in which Seina gets his body enhancements, and reading the summaries of the "True Tenchi Novels." Anyway, I had a lot of fun writing this first chapter and I hope you enjoyed reading it.


	2. Chapter 2

Washu Gives a Lecture on OVA III

Chapter II

Standard disclaimer: I don't own these characters but I wish I did.

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When the intermission was almost over, the audience began to return. Less than half the seats were taken in what had previously been a packed auditorium. Many of those brave, or foolish, enough to return wondered if they had made the right choice. They were talking softly amongst themselves when suddenly the lights went off and on again quickly, and Washu was back as before.

She pouted slightly as she noticed how much smaller the audience was, then she smiled and said, "I'd like to thank all of you who returned. It warms my heart to find such stalwart fans of "Tenchi Muyo." Now, let's get back to the question and answer part of this lecture. It will be the same as before. Raise your hands and I'll call on you.

Several hands went timidly into the air and when called, a boy of around 15 stood and asked, "Why were Ryoko's ears so large in OVA III?"

"She's trying a new look," Washu replied. "I think that the ears I originally gave her were just fine, but Ryoko won't listen to me. After all, I'M just her mother. She'll only change them back if Tenchi tells her to. Well, at least she didn't pierce her tongue or some such thing as that. Next question!"

The young woman who was called upon stood and asked, "Why did so many of the characters in OVA III have green hair?"

"Do you have something against people with green hair?" Washu replied. "It so happens that green hair is quite common on many worlds throughout the galaxy. There were also new characters with black hair and blond hair and blueish gray hair. So why fuss about the people with green hair? Next question!"

A boy with bright, red hair and glasses raised his hand, and stood up when called upon. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves, and asked, "What was the difference between Tenchi and Z that allowed Tenchi to defeat Z?"

"Another excellent question!" Washu replied as she smiled brightly. "While Z had a lot of potential, he wasn't able to fully utilize hyper-dimensional power the way Tenchi can. This can be clearly seen from the fact that while Z could manipulate matter and energy to fashion an artificial eye to replace the one damaged in the battle shown in the TM episode "Z," he couldn't do the total restoration that Tenchi could. Tenchi can convert energy into matter and back again without any entropic effects. Next question!"

A mousy looking girl with short blond hair stood and asked timidly, "What did Mihoshi mean when she commented about you being the reason Kagato hated women?"

"Well, really," Washu replied in a huff, "I don't think that I'm the reason Kagato hated women. Sure, I made him, or her if you wish, take dance lessons and wear pink, hair ribbons, and when I wanted him to learn to play a musical instrument, he chose the organ, which I HATE by the way, and I did use his favorite, stuffed larpa for target practice. Oh, yes! I did accidentally tell Kagato's classmates about him still wetting the bed at sixteen, and there was the experiment I did that resulted in him getting second-degree burns, and the time he had to go to school covered with large, puce, polka dots. Then there was the time he ended up smelling something like a dead skunk for about a month and had to miss the trip his class took to investigate some newly discovered ruins of the precursor civilization, but I don't think any of that had anything to do with it. Really, I treated him just as nicely as I do Ryoko." The looks of stunned disbelief on the faces of the audience weren't missed by the ever, observant Washu but she chose to ignore them and simply said, "Next question!"

A fifteen year old girl dressed in an outfit similar to the one Ryoko wore in the first TM episode stood and asked, "What did D3 mean when he talked about Tenchi using material conversion but only having three wings and what did Tokimi's response mean?"

"Another excellent question," Washu replied beaming, "The power Tenchi used to dissipate the mini black hole was much greater than a being who could only generate three wings of the light hawk should have had. In fact it took even more power than Z with his five wings had. Both Tokimi and Z realized Tenchi was capable of manifesting more wings and could be the being we were searching for. Then Z decided to try and kill Tenchi before he could learn to fully control his power. Next question!"

A rather prim looking woman with gray hair and glasses stood when called upon and asked, "Why was there so much violence in OVA III and why did you, Ryoko's mother, hit her so much?"

"Don't tell me how to discipline my kid and I won't tell you how to discipline yours," Washu replied irritably. What works well for one child doesn't necessarily work well for another. And yes, Ryoko's emotional age is about fifteen due to the fact that Kagato did such a lousy job of teaching her how how to behave. She never learned to consider another person's feelings until she encountered Tenchi. And as for violence, there was a lot less of it than in U.S. Cartoons like "Tom and Jerry" and "Bugs Bunny."

Washu called upon another young woman who stood and asked, "How were Tenchi and Z able to communicate with each other in outer space?

"Telepathy." Washu replied. "Tenchi first demonstrated his psychic abilities when he was just a baby. He could see Ryoko's astral form when no one else could. His abilities continued to develop slowly as he grew up and in the TM episode, "The Advent of Goddess," he could 'hear' Ryoko calling to him for help. He usually tries to suppress it though, so as to not invade the privacy of other people. Next question!"

A heavyset boy with light brown hair and thick glasses stood and said, "I'm still disappointed that there wasn't more fighting shown between Tenchi and Z and even between Ryoko and Aeka. Will there be more fighting in OVA IV?"

"So, you wanted a slug-fest, didn't you?" was Washu's reply. "People who can destroy planets, like Tenchi and Z, don't need to resort to punching and kicking. Ryoko and Aeka don't need to resort to such either. But they don't use their more destructive powers in and around the house or where normal Earthlings could observe them. Next question!"

A young man in his twenties with dark brown hair stood and asked, "Why can't Ryoko read?"

"What makes you think that Ryoko can't read?" Washu responded angrily.

"I read it in a lot of stories," he replied.

"Didn't you ever watch 'Tenchi Muyo?'" Washu asked.

"Yes, I saw several episodes on TV some years ago," he answered.

Washu activated the screen again and a scene from the TM episode, "The Night Before the Carnival" was shown. The action froze on a closeup of Ryoko reading a manga. The screen changed to a scene from the episode, "Here Comes Jurai," showing Ryoko reading a sign being held by Sasami. "Does that look like Ryoko can't read?" Washu asked angrily as she hit another series of keys on her computer. Suddenly two small but menacing robots appeared hovering in front of the young man holding a complete set of the "Tenchi Muyo" DVDs, and a clipboard with a receipt and a pen. "Sign that," she said in a voice that conveyed dire consequences if compliance wasn't immediate. He signed. "Congratulations! You now own the complete series and I only charged you fifteen percent over retail. Even as we speak, the funds are being withdrawn from your checking account. Now go home, watch the show, and don't ask any more questions until you do!" Then the robots picked him up and carried him out of the auditorium. "Next question!"

A young man with blond hair and thick glasses stood and asked, "When did you begin to get your memories of being a goddess back?"

"They began to return after the incident with Dr. Clay." she replied. "Hearing the name Tokimi triggered a connection, and my memories slowly began to return after that. Next question!"

A middle-aged woman with dark skin and curly black hair stood and asked, "How powerful would Ryoko be if she had all her gems back?"

"It all depends on how Ryoko develops," Washu replied. "She has the potential to be as powerful as Tsunami-ki; it will take a considerable length of time for her to become that powerful. And, considering how lazy she is, she may never reach her full potential. Next question!"

A fifteen year-old girl with a bright green stripes in her light brown hair stood and asked, "Is Mihoshi your great-granddaughter, and what happened to her to make her such a ditz?"

"Actually," Washu replied, "She's my great, great-granddaughter. And, I'm afraid I can't reveal what caused her to become a ditz at this time. Next question!"

A slender blond youth rose and asked, "what caused Tenchi to collapse in the episode, 'Strategy.' Was it just stress and heat exhaustion, or did it have something to do with the glowing light that appeared on his forehead the night before, or was it because of something that Noike did to him?"

"It was mostly caused by the changes that his body and mind are going through as his power develops," Washu answered. "Heat exhaustion and being nagged by my daughter, and Aeka, AND Mihoshi only added to the stress he was already under. Noike didn't do anything to him the night before. She was just observing him under the control of Z. Next question!"

A young man with black hair and brown eyes stood and asked, "Who is Tenchi going to marry?"

"Oh, my," said Washu as she covered her face in feigned embarrassment, "I certainly hope he'll marry me!" Suddenly adult Washu was wearing an extremely low cut wedding gown. "Don't you think I look good in white? Of course, I need to get Tenchi over his shyness first. That's why I rigged my security system to transport him to a pocket dimension when he entered my lab! And I'm the only other person who can get in there."

"Now I think it's time to wrap up this meeting," she continued. "Thank you all for coming, and there are autographed copies of 'Tenchi Muyo' for sale in the lobby." Then she was wearing a black negligee that left just enough to the imagination to set young men's blood pressures soaring and noses to bleeding. "I'm coming Tenchi!" And then she was gone.

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Afterwards a young man pursued his angry girlfriend and asked, "Come on! What did I do to make you angry?"

She turned on him with fire in her eyes and yelled, "Why didn't you get a nosebleed last summer when you saw ME in my bikini?!"

Sometimes there's no answer that won't get you into more trouble.

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Author's note: I have another short chapter to write to conclude this story. I would like to thank those who left nice reviews, and especially Cyberimp6 for correcting a mistake I made.


	3. Chapter 3

This is the last chapter of my story. Standard disclaimer: I don't own these characters and I'm not making any money from it. It's just for fun.

Washu appeared in the dimly lit room that was all that her pocket dimension contained. The walls and ceiling were a soft beige and the plush carpeting was a muted green. In the center was the only piece of furniture it contained: a king-sized bed covered with with a thick white comforter over a large lump in the center. She approached quietly as she tried to stifle the giggles that threatened to escape her lips. With one swift motion, she threw off the comforter to reveal, Mihoshi sound asleep with her arms wrapped around a life-sized, Tenchi plushie.

All Washu could do was stand and stare in stunned disbelief. After a period of time that could have been a few seconds or several hours, Mihoshi began to stir. She sat up, stretched her arms over her head and let out a huge yawn. When she saw Washu, she smiled brightly and said, "Oh, hi Washu. I hope that you don't mind that I was sleeping in your bed, but it looked so comfey that I couldn't resist. And your Tenchi plushie was just so nice to cuddle up with, and I was so relaxed that I couldn't help falling asleep." When she noticed that Washu wasn't responding, she continued, "Washu, Washu. Are you all right?"

"AAAAARRRRGH!" Washu finally screamed, loudly and long. "How did you get IN here. I'm the only person other than Tenchi that should have been able to enter this room. And where is TENCHI!"

"Well," said Mihoshi, "I was looking for you to tell you that it's tea time, so I was walking around your lab trying to find you. I was calling for you and opening doors and then I found this room. Oh, I accidentally let some small furry animals loose while I was searching for you. I tried to get them back in their cage but there were so many of them and they were running under things and I couldn't catch any of them. And I don't know where Tenchi is. Was he supposed to be here?"

"What kind of small furry animals were they?" Washu asked.

"Let me think," Mihoshi replied as she put a finger cutely against her chin. "They were blue with really long tails and they made humming noises. Does that help? Um, Washu, you look kind of pale. Are you all right?"

"AAAAAARRRRGH!" Washu screamed again. "You let out the tweir? Do you know what they eat!" At that Washu teleported away to try to catch the tweir before it was too late.

After a few moments, Mihoshi thought, "Maybe I should go and help to round them up." She looked around for a few moments. "Where's the door?"

Tenchi was at the shrine having tea with his grandfather when they felt rather than heard Washu's first scream. "Another Tenchi plushie?" Yosho asked.

"Yes," Tenchi replied and took another sip of tea.

After a bit, Washu's second scream was felt and Yosho asked, "What was that for?"

"Mihoshi." Tenchi answered. "Well, I'd better get back to the house; it's just about time for supper. Thanks for the tea."

When Tenchi arrived, most of the others were sitting at the table and Ryo-oki immediately jumped up and ran to him for a hug. Everyone else greeted him warmly, except washu who sat at the table with frazzled hair and a sour expression on her face.

"Does anyone know where Mishoshi is?" asked Sasami. "She's usually at the table by now."

At that, Tenchi walked over to the door under the stairs, opened it, and out stumbled Mihoshi.

"Thank you, Tenchi," she said. "I couldn't find the door." When she noticed that everyone else was at the table, she walked over and took her place. "Oh, hi Washu. I hope you didn't have too much trouble getting those tweir back in their cage. What do they eat anyway?"

Before Washu could open her mouth to start yelling at Mihoshi, Tenchi jumped in and asked, "So Washu, how did the lecture go?"

Authors notes: For those who hadn't noticed, this story is listed as humor. It was not my intent to answer all the remaining questions regarding the story. It was not intended to be a serious lecture. I'm not a college professor.

Why use it as an opportunity to criticize OVA III?

And I don't want the Juraian Empire to be destroyed.

I got the idea for the Tenchi plushie from a story by BeagleSan.

Thanks for reading.


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